another egotistical entry

Rahmat Allah melingkupi segenap ruang hidup kita. It’s true. The question is, do you truly understand that and act on it?

Over the past few months, I have convinced myself that I am lacking in myriads of areas. Even though some people look at me in awe and admire the things I can do, I always manage to dismiss all that and prove to them that I am good for nothing. And for that, I am truly disgraceful.

Allah has shown His love for me all these years. Whenever I feel doors of opportunity has been closed for good, He always open them back again, just enough for me to walk through it. I had tonnes of example and looking back, it is just unbelievable how incredibly blessed my life had been.

Back in Standard 5, I enrolled into a private Tahfiz school (IQKL – Institut Al-Quran Kuala Lumpur). I left my primary school in the middle of the semester amidst clear disagreement by my teachers. I was excited to go. Alhamdulillah I can still remember the Surahs I memorized back then. However, being so young and so close to home (the institute was in Damansara), I couldn’t combat the homesickness. I left the institute after a month. Despite my long absence from school, I was blessed by excellent teachers who groomed me to be the best I can. And I think due to the month-long stint in IQKL, my brain and soul were untainted (cleaned). Thus, it was relatively easier to absorb knowledge and get back on track with the rest of the class. In fact, I never felt more at peace and clear-minded. Rahmat Allah, clearly.

After SPM, I was adamant to pursue Maths or English. But a lot was at stake and Medicine seemed to be the best choice at that time. After all, the opportunities were laid before me. After choosing to accept MARA’s offer to read Medicine in Russia, I thought everything is settled. But then my heart was not in it, and I told Pn Nik Noraizah (the MARA officer who was in charge of Russia at that time) that I want to change my course. I told her it was either Maths or English. She let me go. Hence, I entered Malaysian Matriculation in hopes of becoming a Maths or English teacher. However, another opportunity came about. JPA offered me to do Medicine in Australia. I thought about it and jumped at the opportunity though knowing full well where my passion lies. I convinced myself that Allah has given me so many opportunities, it is probably a sign and I should make use of the opportunities. Rahmat Allah, guna sebaiknya.

I left Kolej MARA Kulim and entered INTEC (Ausmat 16). Ausmat was particularly challenging. The stress, the lack of sleep, the lack of self-control etc. Tapi, alhamdulillah atas Rahmat Allah, I scraped through.

Here I am. Monash University. I was confident I would have to repeat my 2^nd year, but once again, Rahmat Allah, I pulled through. This year is different though. I hope I can still push through. Don’t get me wrong, I know Allah does not present us with success if we do not work for it. I know I’ve put a lot of effort all my short life. But in times of need, I do sometimes feel I don’t deserve what I have. Astaghfirullah

Rahmat Allah, sangat berharga. I love Him. I really do. Alhamdulillah, Subhanallah, AllahuAkbar…

…aku hanya hamba kerdil…