Allah Maha Besar
Allah Maha Kuasa
aku cuma hamba kecil yang hina
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Lesu
lewat sore ini
kelesuan menyinggah
dan masih belum pergi
tetap kekal hingga saat ini
lewat sore itu
keresahan kian memuncak
bibit-bibit kesayuan bermula
menyelimuti lesu dan resah
akal dan minda mula merangka
mencari di mana mulanya
mengapa mulanya
segala yang ku rasa
sepi
tiada insan dengan telinga
tiada insan dengan mata
tiada insan dengan hati... dan jiwa
merasa apa yang dirasakan
sendirian
melalui detik-detik payah
mengharap Ya Rabbi
mengharap kekuatan dari-Nya
namun hakikat menjengah tiba
setiap rasa itu dari-Nya
maka siapalah aku
hanya mampu pasrah...redha
merungkai misteri di sebalik setiap rasa
yang berputik
biarpun lesu
kelesuan menyinggah
dan masih belum pergi
tetap kekal hingga saat ini
lewat sore itu
keresahan kian memuncak
bibit-bibit kesayuan bermula
menyelimuti lesu dan resah
akal dan minda mula merangka
mencari di mana mulanya
mengapa mulanya
segala yang ku rasa
sepi
tiada insan dengan telinga
tiada insan dengan mata
tiada insan dengan hati... dan jiwa
merasa apa yang dirasakan
sendirian
melalui detik-detik payah
mengharap Ya Rabbi
mengharap kekuatan dari-Nya
namun hakikat menjengah tiba
setiap rasa itu dari-Nya
maka siapalah aku
hanya mampu pasrah...redha
merungkai misteri di sebalik setiap rasa
yang berputik
biarpun lesu
Saturday, June 14, 2008
hilang buku
Hari itu, ada Clinical Bedsite Tutorial. Sangat teruja untuk pergi ke hospital. Tak tahu kenapa wujud keterujaan itu. Berbekalkan senaskhah buku Clinical Examination, Talley and O'Connor, saya melangkah masuk ke Clinical Room di Respiratory Ward. Teman-teman yang lain sedang menunggu ketibaan Tutor kami. Setibanya Dr Barzagan ke ward itu, kami memulakan perbincangan. Saya merujuk buku Clinical Examination itu agar lebih memahami apa yang kami bincangkan. Alhamdulillah, semuanya dapat saya fahami, dengan rahmat Allah dan wasilah buku tadi.
Tutorial kami tamat. Saya berasa sungguh puas dengan ilmu yang baru diterima. Puas dengan komitmen diri. Puas dengan komitmen teman-teman dan tutor. Kepuasan yang dicampakkan oleh Allah jua. Saya bergegas pulang supaya dapat mengikut solat Maghrib berjamaah di Masjid. Selesai mengabdikan diri pada Allah, saya memandu kereta ke rumah. Lauk semalam masih ada, tidak perlu memasak hari ini. Lalu saya bercadang untuk membelek buku Clinical Examination tadi, supaya dapat menghafal fakta-fakta penting.
Beg galasku dibuka. Buku itu tiada. Saya mencari di dalam kereta. Tiada juga. Saya kaget. Buku itu hilang. Saya mencari lagi, berkali-kali. Namun hasilnya tetap sama. Risau sungguh saat itu. Buku itu bukan milik saya. Ia dipinjam dari perpustakaan universiti. Tidak lama lagi, tamat tempoh pinjaman. Saya tidak mahu membayar denda lewat. Saya juga tidak sanggup membayar kos buku itu jika ia benar-benar hilang.
Usaha mencari masih gagal. Saya ke hospital. Di Clinical Room yang sama, saya mencari buku itu. Mana tahu, tertinggal di sana. Buku itu tiada. Saya bertanya kepada Ketua Jururawat di ward itu. Berkali-kali dia memohon maaf kerana tidak dapat membantu saya. Saya pasrah. Namun, tinggal satu lagi usaha yang boleh dilakukan. Saya ke perpustakaan di hospital itu.
"Hi. I have an enquiry. I'm looking for a book titled Clinical Examination. Talley and O'Connor? I might left it in the wards when we were having a tutorial. I was wondering if there was someone kind enough to send it here?" Saya bertanya dengan nada berharap.
"I see. That's a tough break. Let me have a look first," dia menjawab dengan senyuman.
"Is it your book?" dia bertanya pula.
"No, I borrowed it from the Uni," saya menjawab.
Librarian itu mencari dengan sungguh-sungguh. Keikhlasannya untuk membantu sangat nyata kelihatan. Tapi, buku itu masih tidak dijumpai.
"I'm very sorry. I don't think it is here. I wish you good luck. Hopefully you will find it. Who knows, maybe someone send it straight to the Uni library."
"I hope so too," saya berkata.
Saya pulang ke rumah. Dalam minda, berlegar-legar harga buku itu. Saya mencongak-congak jumlah wang yang perlu dibayar untuk menggantikan buku yang hilang itu. Sangat besar jumlahnya. Tidak mampu rasanya untuk ditampung.
Esoknya, saya merancang untuk ke perpustakaan Uni. Saya ingin melaporkan kehilangan buku itu. Sebelum itu, saya membuka emel universiti saya. Saya terkejut. Kenapa begitu? Di situ, tertulis bahawa saya sudah pun memulangkan buku Clinical Examination itu. Acap kali saya memeriksa emel saya. Saya tidak yakin dengan apa yang dilihat. Namun, skrin masih menyatakan bahawa buku itu sudah berada di perpustakaan uni.
Hebat sungguh orang Australia. Etika mereka mengagumkan. Aku sangat kagum. Walaupun negara ini bukan negara Islam, tetapi sikap mereka sungguh bagus. Memang ada keburukan yang nyata di negara ini. Contohnya alkohol, parti-parti yang sarat dengan pergaulan bebas, sistem kekeluargaan yang sudah rapuh dan sebagainya. Tetapi, dari segi etika kerja, dan moral, mereka sangat jauh ke hadapan. Saya tidak dapat bayangkan perkara yang sama berlaku di bumi Malaysia. Mungkin ada segelintir manusia di Malaysia yang sejujur itu, tetapi secara jujurnya, kebanyakan orang mungkin tidak akan sebaik itu.
Buku itu buku yang mahal. Jika ada manusia yang tidak jujur menjumpainya, banyak wang yang boleh didapatinya jika dia jual semula buku itu. Tapi, itu tidak berlaku. Orang yang menemui buku itu ternyata sangat amanah. Dia tidak mengambil buku itu. Dia tidak menjual buku itu. Dia terus menghantar buku itu ke tempat asalnya. Walaupun tiada sesiapa yang akan tahu jika dia mengambilnya.
Hakikatnya, saya tidak tahu siapa yang menjumpai buku itu. Dia mungkin seorang Muslim. Dia mungkin Kristian. Dia mungkin lelaki. Mungkin juga perempuan. Dia mungkin tua. Mungkin juga kanak-kanak. Tapi, saya tahu akhlaknya baik. Saya tahu moralnya tinggi. Saya tahu, dunia ini akan sangat aman jika ramai lagi orang sepertinya.
Hopefully one day, something like this will occur in my country, without people actually asking the question, "Really? Did that really happen?" Semoga senario sebegininya menjadi kebiasaan di tanahairku. Ameen..
Tutorial kami tamat. Saya berasa sungguh puas dengan ilmu yang baru diterima. Puas dengan komitmen diri. Puas dengan komitmen teman-teman dan tutor. Kepuasan yang dicampakkan oleh Allah jua. Saya bergegas pulang supaya dapat mengikut solat Maghrib berjamaah di Masjid. Selesai mengabdikan diri pada Allah, saya memandu kereta ke rumah. Lauk semalam masih ada, tidak perlu memasak hari ini. Lalu saya bercadang untuk membelek buku Clinical Examination tadi, supaya dapat menghafal fakta-fakta penting.
Beg galasku dibuka. Buku itu tiada. Saya mencari di dalam kereta. Tiada juga. Saya kaget. Buku itu hilang. Saya mencari lagi, berkali-kali. Namun hasilnya tetap sama. Risau sungguh saat itu. Buku itu bukan milik saya. Ia dipinjam dari perpustakaan universiti. Tidak lama lagi, tamat tempoh pinjaman. Saya tidak mahu membayar denda lewat. Saya juga tidak sanggup membayar kos buku itu jika ia benar-benar hilang.
Usaha mencari masih gagal. Saya ke hospital. Di Clinical Room yang sama, saya mencari buku itu. Mana tahu, tertinggal di sana. Buku itu tiada. Saya bertanya kepada Ketua Jururawat di ward itu. Berkali-kali dia memohon maaf kerana tidak dapat membantu saya. Saya pasrah. Namun, tinggal satu lagi usaha yang boleh dilakukan. Saya ke perpustakaan di hospital itu.
"Hi. I have an enquiry. I'm looking for a book titled Clinical Examination. Talley and O'Connor? I might left it in the wards when we were having a tutorial. I was wondering if there was someone kind enough to send it here?" Saya bertanya dengan nada berharap.
"I see. That's a tough break. Let me have a look first," dia menjawab dengan senyuman.
"Is it your book?" dia bertanya pula.
"No, I borrowed it from the Uni," saya menjawab.
Librarian itu mencari dengan sungguh-sungguh. Keikhlasannya untuk membantu sangat nyata kelihatan. Tapi, buku itu masih tidak dijumpai.
"I'm very sorry. I don't think it is here. I wish you good luck. Hopefully you will find it. Who knows, maybe someone send it straight to the Uni library."
"I hope so too," saya berkata.
Saya pulang ke rumah. Dalam minda, berlegar-legar harga buku itu. Saya mencongak-congak jumlah wang yang perlu dibayar untuk menggantikan buku yang hilang itu. Sangat besar jumlahnya. Tidak mampu rasanya untuk ditampung.
Esoknya, saya merancang untuk ke perpustakaan Uni. Saya ingin melaporkan kehilangan buku itu. Sebelum itu, saya membuka emel universiti saya. Saya terkejut. Kenapa begitu? Di situ, tertulis bahawa saya sudah pun memulangkan buku Clinical Examination itu. Acap kali saya memeriksa emel saya. Saya tidak yakin dengan apa yang dilihat. Namun, skrin masih menyatakan bahawa buku itu sudah berada di perpustakaan uni.
Hebat sungguh orang Australia. Etika mereka mengagumkan. Aku sangat kagum. Walaupun negara ini bukan negara Islam, tetapi sikap mereka sungguh bagus. Memang ada keburukan yang nyata di negara ini. Contohnya alkohol, parti-parti yang sarat dengan pergaulan bebas, sistem kekeluargaan yang sudah rapuh dan sebagainya. Tetapi, dari segi etika kerja, dan moral, mereka sangat jauh ke hadapan. Saya tidak dapat bayangkan perkara yang sama berlaku di bumi Malaysia. Mungkin ada segelintir manusia di Malaysia yang sejujur itu, tetapi secara jujurnya, kebanyakan orang mungkin tidak akan sebaik itu.
Buku itu buku yang mahal. Jika ada manusia yang tidak jujur menjumpainya, banyak wang yang boleh didapatinya jika dia jual semula buku itu. Tapi, itu tidak berlaku. Orang yang menemui buku itu ternyata sangat amanah. Dia tidak mengambil buku itu. Dia tidak menjual buku itu. Dia terus menghantar buku itu ke tempat asalnya. Walaupun tiada sesiapa yang akan tahu jika dia mengambilnya.
Hakikatnya, saya tidak tahu siapa yang menjumpai buku itu. Dia mungkin seorang Muslim. Dia mungkin Kristian. Dia mungkin lelaki. Mungkin juga perempuan. Dia mungkin tua. Mungkin juga kanak-kanak. Tapi, saya tahu akhlaknya baik. Saya tahu moralnya tinggi. Saya tahu, dunia ini akan sangat aman jika ramai lagi orang sepertinya.
Hopefully one day, something like this will occur in my country, without people actually asking the question, "Really? Did that really happen?" Semoga senario sebegininya menjadi kebiasaan di tanahairku. Ameen..
Monday, June 9, 2008
Where is Allah?
Pernah suatu ketika, seorang sahabat mendekati saya tika jiwa berkecamuk dengan cabaran-cabaran yang mendatang. Tampak jelas saya seolah-olah tidak mampu untuk berdiri teguh merentas hari-hari yang sarat dengan isu dan masalah. Sahabat itu, dengan galak matanya dan senyuman manisnya menyapaku dengan tenang. Ketenangan yang sudah agak asing bagi diri aku. Tidak banyak yang dilontarkan dari bibir sahabat itu. Namun, kata-katanya masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga, terpasak di minda dan mengakar di sanubari ini.
Saya masih ingat persoalan yang dilemparkan olehnya. Persoalan yang diajukannya membuatkan saya terpaku tanpa kata.
Ia bertanya, apakah kekuatan yang mendorong kamu untuk beramal dan menyampaikan risalah Allah?
Saya tersentak.
What kind of question is this? Where is he going with the question? Is this a trick question?
All kinds of queries raced through my mind, but I was still mum with no answer.
“Faham ke tak soalannya?” dia bertanya lagi sambil mengukir senyuman.
Saya mengangguk, meskipun hati masih belum 100% pasti dengan pemahaman sendiri.
“Erm, rasanya, banyak juga punca-punca kekuatan saya. Saya sentiasa terdorong oleh sahabat-sahabat lain yang sama-sama beramal untuk Allah SWT. Ramai sahabat-sahabat yang sentiasa memberi teguran, peringatan dan mengajak meningkatkan amalan-amalan seharian. Kemudian, tarbiyyah yang saya lalui juga banyak membantu membina zatiyah dalam diri. Tarbiyyah itu memberi kesedaran yang besar tentang tanggungjawab sebenar seorang muslim. Rasanya, fitrah manusia itu sendiri juga mainkan peranan. Kita sebagai manusia sememangnya diciptakan untuk memakmurkan bumi Allah berlandaskan hukum-hukum Allah, semestinya elemen fitrah juga menolak diri saya untuk melaksanakan tanggungjawab sebagai hambaNya.”
Itulah celoteh saya untuk meyakinkan sahabat itu.
Sekali lagi, dia tersenyum. Saya senyum kembali sambil memandang tepat ke matanya.
Dia pun bersuara, “Okay, so, you mentioned your friends, tarbiyyah and fitrah.” Saya mengangguk tanda setuju.
Dia menambah, “Di mana Allah dalam kekuatan kamu?”
Astaghfirullahalazim. Saya tertampar dengan persoalan itu. Tamparan itu masih terasa sehingga kini. Persoalan itu membuka mata dan minda saya yang masih cetek ketika itu.
Di mana Allah? Apa peranan Allah dalam kekuatan dan zatiyah diri saya? Mengapa saya tidak sebutkan Allah sebagai kekuatan saya, sedangkan Allah sepatutnya menjadi tunjang utama kekuatan seorang daie.
Sejujurnya, saya sungguh kecewa dengan diri sendiri. Saya sedar, akhlak manusia itu terpancar pada pertuturan dan perbuatannya yang paling spontan. I was disappointed with the fact that I did not spontaneously mention Allah as my core strength. I listed other factors like the constant reminders from my peers, the upbringing and knowledge gained through education and tarbiyyah, as well as the nature of humankind as Allah’s slave. But, I failed to mention Allah per se.
“Astaghfirullah. Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa hambamu ini, terimalah taubat aku seadanya.”
Sahabat saya mendekati saya, lalu duduk sebelah-menyebelah. He wisely said,
“Selayaknya, Allah perlu menjadi sebab utama kita berada di sini. Allah perlu menjadi kekuatan utama kita dalam menghadapi hari-hari sebagai pembawa risalahNya. Memang tak dinafikan, kawan-kawan kita sangat banyak membantu kita, mereka banyak mengingatkan kita tentang tanggungjawab dan amalan yang perlu dibuat. Sahabat-sahabat kita juga yang selalu ada bersama kita dalam keadaan susah dan senang. Peranan mereka besar dalam memastikan kita terus tsabat dalam menjalankan amanah Allah. Namun begitu, hakikatnya semua datang dari Allah SWT.”
“Kita sering lupa hakikat di sebalik yang terlihat oleh mata kasar. Kita nampak sahabat-sahabat kita bersama kita. Kita nampak mereka ketawa dan menangis bersama. Makan, masak, riadah dan bersiar-siar bersama-sama. Tapi kadang-kadang kita terlepas pandang bahawa di sebalik itu semua, Allah yang merancang segalanya. Mungkin kalau kita duduk sendirian, muhasabah di waktu malam, kita tidak lupa bahawa Allah adalah perancang utama yang mengizinkan segalanya berlaku. However, in the spur of the moment, when we are around other people, having fun or feeling sad, we tend to forget that fact. We usually see and acknowledge things that we can physically visualize, failing to acknowledge the main superior in our lives, which is Allah.”
Saya masih lagi rasa malu dengan jawapanku tadi. Malu pada diri sendiri, malu pada sahabatku itu dan paling penting, malu pada Allah. Selayaknya, kita meletakkan Allah di puncak segala-galanya. Apabila saya merenung kembali peristiwa ini, banyak pengajaran boleh saya perolehi.
In my opinion, it all relates back to the initial intention that we had when we first told ourselves, “we want to be a better muslim, we want to spread Islam.” Why? What was the reason behind all that wants? Is it truthfully and honestly because of Allah, or was there another agenda lurking beneath that beautiful action? If we truly did it because of Allah, with He’s will, we won’t forget Allah throughout the course of our life as a Muslim. However, if we had other intentions, don’t fret. We still have time to repent and renew our intentions. Allah is Most Merciful and surely He loves His slaves who are constantly trying to improve and become better Muslims.
Jika kita meletakkan kekuatan kita pada sahabat-sahabat kita, apa agaknya akan berlaku jika kita tidak lagi bersama-sama sahabat kita? Apakah kita masih akan bertahan dan menjalankan amal dakwah dan menyebarkan risalah agung ini? Apakah kita masih mampu mengekalkan amalan-amalan Islami yang saban hari kita lakukan?
Maka, kekuatan kita perlu diletakkan pada Allah S.W.T. Allah yang menentukan segalanya. Dia yang memberi hidayah dan taufiq pada kita dan sahabat-sahabat kita. Kehadiran kita pada saat ini berada di bawah kekuasaan Allah semata-mata. Siapa kita untuk berserah kepada yang lain dariNya?
InsyaAllah, jika kita terus-menerus meletakkan Allah sebagai kekuatan utama, tak kira di mana kita berada, berseorangan atau beramai-ramai, di Malaysia atau di luar negara, kaya atau miskin, susah atau senang, sihat atau sakit; kita akan sentiasa mengingati amanah dan tanggungjawab kita sebagai Muslim sebenar.
Thus, in this very moment, truthfully and honestly,
Di mana Allah dalam kekuatan kamu?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
an afternoon at scopes
Throughout this whole semester, a fair number of incidents that I encountered in the wards have had enormous impact on me. To an extent, there was indeed a certain emotional connection that pushed me to think outside the medical language and terms. However, for the purpose of this reflection, I believe it is somewhat impossible to cram all the experiences I have gained in one essay. Thus, I will focus on one, most recent incident that occurred a few days ago.
When this incident took place, we were attached to the Gastro-Med Ward. Hence, in hope of grabbing the learning opportunities, I asked for permission to join and observe an endoscopy. I was most fortunate to be given that chance and made my way to the endoscopy suite. After grabbing the gown and wearing protective clothing against radiation, the nurse introduced me to the doctor in charge. He seemed friendly and was very willing to impart knowledge – two most important criteria of a doctor in a teaching hospital. I took a spot to stand and watch whilst the endoscopy team prepared to start the procedure.
As I was watching, I noticed that the patient was semi-conscious. His eyes were partly open. His limbs were moving. He seemed uncomfortable. I was worried that the team would be oblivious to that fact. Fortunately, they were not. They were sensitive to the patient’s feelings and made sure their conversations were strictly professional. I heaved a sigh of relief. As the procedure went on, the doctor explained that the patient has a tumour below his liver, obstructing the duodenum and bile duct. Therefore, he was jaundiced. Then, the camera showed the insides of his gastrointestinal tract. Alas, the tumour has infiltrated and metastasized to the tract.
Upon questioning, the doctor revealed that the patient has a prognosis of a few weeks due to the extent of the cancer. I was quite depressing to hear. The doctor tried to release the obstruction. He failed. Another doctor wanted to give it a try. Once again, we saw the patient go through it. Amid his frailty, the procedure was necessary. Nevertheless, it was still painful to witness. While the effort continued, we were told that the patient’s wife was waiting outside. She also has cancer. I suddenly felt like a huge bolder dropped on my chest. I felt sorry for both of them.
Apparently, the patient had been taking care of his wife, who was diagnosed with breast cancer much earlier. His love and support for his wife were so infinite that he neglected his own health. I did not know how he presented to the hospital till he finally got diagnosed with cancer. However, I did know that he did not expect it. I could not imagine wearing his shoes. To dedicate your life taking care of a sickly loved one, and then to learn that you are sick and will leave your lover alone. It must be heartbreaking for both of them.
I could not focus on the endoscopy. My mind wondered around the unimaginable torment that the couple must have went through. Out of the blue, the doctor gave up. He could not release the obstruction. The tumour was too massive. Clearly, he looked disappointed. He was most distraught because he had to deliver the bad news to the patient’s wife, who was waiting anxiously outside the suite. The team packed up. We removed our gown. I decided to leave and head home.
As I was packing, my mind was still thinking about the couple. It just proved how fragile life is, how powerless we humans are, compared to the divine powers of God. Life is indeed a gift that has to be spent with utmost dignity and sincerity. To me, the patient who laid in bed helplessly has truly lived a dignified life. It is indeed a loss to his family. This incident has also taught me that doctors are not able to do everything. Even if they know what to do, sometimes it is just not possible. After all, doctors are humans.
Finally, I learnt an enormous lesson in breaking bad news. I had always been confused, whether it is wise to showcase your emotion as a doctor when you deliver bad news to a patient. Some people say it is better to stay nonchalant, while others say that expressive is the way to go. As I was walking along the corridor, heading for the exit, I saw the doctor talking to the patient’s wife. I paused. Both of them were sitting down. He had his arm on her shoulder. His face looked serious. The wife suddenly nodded. She then looked down and tears rolled down her cheeks. It was truly depressing to witness. But then, the doctor reassured her. His body language was emotive and emphatic. She then wiped her tears, stood up and shook hands with the doctor. He smiled. She did too.
I now know, as my training proceed, I will attempt to show emotions to patients, especially to people like this couple. At least they know, I am human too. Just like them.
When this incident took place, we were attached to the Gastro-Med Ward. Hence, in hope of grabbing the learning opportunities, I asked for permission to join and observe an endoscopy. I was most fortunate to be given that chance and made my way to the endoscopy suite. After grabbing the gown and wearing protective clothing against radiation, the nurse introduced me to the doctor in charge. He seemed friendly and was very willing to impart knowledge – two most important criteria of a doctor in a teaching hospital. I took a spot to stand and watch whilst the endoscopy team prepared to start the procedure.
As I was watching, I noticed that the patient was semi-conscious. His eyes were partly open. His limbs were moving. He seemed uncomfortable. I was worried that the team would be oblivious to that fact. Fortunately, they were not. They were sensitive to the patient’s feelings and made sure their conversations were strictly professional. I heaved a sigh of relief. As the procedure went on, the doctor explained that the patient has a tumour below his liver, obstructing the duodenum and bile duct. Therefore, he was jaundiced. Then, the camera showed the insides of his gastrointestinal tract. Alas, the tumour has infiltrated and metastasized to the tract.
Upon questioning, the doctor revealed that the patient has a prognosis of a few weeks due to the extent of the cancer. I was quite depressing to hear. The doctor tried to release the obstruction. He failed. Another doctor wanted to give it a try. Once again, we saw the patient go through it. Amid his frailty, the procedure was necessary. Nevertheless, it was still painful to witness. While the effort continued, we were told that the patient’s wife was waiting outside. She also has cancer. I suddenly felt like a huge bolder dropped on my chest. I felt sorry for both of them.
Apparently, the patient had been taking care of his wife, who was diagnosed with breast cancer much earlier. His love and support for his wife were so infinite that he neglected his own health. I did not know how he presented to the hospital till he finally got diagnosed with cancer. However, I did know that he did not expect it. I could not imagine wearing his shoes. To dedicate your life taking care of a sickly loved one, and then to learn that you are sick and will leave your lover alone. It must be heartbreaking for both of them.
I could not focus on the endoscopy. My mind wondered around the unimaginable torment that the couple must have went through. Out of the blue, the doctor gave up. He could not release the obstruction. The tumour was too massive. Clearly, he looked disappointed. He was most distraught because he had to deliver the bad news to the patient’s wife, who was waiting anxiously outside the suite. The team packed up. We removed our gown. I decided to leave and head home.
As I was packing, my mind was still thinking about the couple. It just proved how fragile life is, how powerless we humans are, compared to the divine powers of God. Life is indeed a gift that has to be spent with utmost dignity and sincerity. To me, the patient who laid in bed helplessly has truly lived a dignified life. It is indeed a loss to his family. This incident has also taught me that doctors are not able to do everything. Even if they know what to do, sometimes it is just not possible. After all, doctors are humans.
Finally, I learnt an enormous lesson in breaking bad news. I had always been confused, whether it is wise to showcase your emotion as a doctor when you deliver bad news to a patient. Some people say it is better to stay nonchalant, while others say that expressive is the way to go. As I was walking along the corridor, heading for the exit, I saw the doctor talking to the patient’s wife. I paused. Both of them were sitting down. He had his arm on her shoulder. His face looked serious. The wife suddenly nodded. She then looked down and tears rolled down her cheeks. It was truly depressing to witness. But then, the doctor reassured her. His body language was emotive and emphatic. She then wiped her tears, stood up and shook hands with the doctor. He smiled. She did too.
I now know, as my training proceed, I will attempt to show emotions to patients, especially to people like this couple. At least they know, I am human too. Just like them.
a beginning... finally
Alhamdulillah... after years and years and years of contemplating... this has been realized. May it become a testament of an ongoing effort to seek His acceptance and love. I pray that my intentions are pure and may it constantly be kept that way... in sya' Allah.
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