Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Apologetic

I'm sorry
I'm sorry I'm so messed up
I'm sorry I haven't been to class in the last 5 weeks
I'm sorry I haven't answered the faculty's calls that they thought I was dead
I'm sorry they had to unlock my bedroom door to make sure I wasn't dead
I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with me

I'm sorry I feel so alone
I'm sorry I haven't told my family how i'm feeling
I'm sorry I feel so weak
I'm sorry I cannot express how I feel cause I think it's a sign of weakness
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I think I should be perfect

I'm sorry I'm not funnier
heck, I'm sorry I'm not the least bit funny
I'm sorry I'm not sociable
I'm sorry I don't smile much
I'm sorry I cannot tell jokes
I'm sorry I prefer being quiet
I'm sorry I don't know what to say to fill the quietness

I'm sorry I don't know how to act
I'm sorry I can't bear acting anymore
I'm sorry I don't want to act like a doctor
I'm sorry I don't want to be a doctor
I'm sorry I can't bear being wrong in the hospital
I'm sorry I feel so stupid in the hospital
I'm sorry I feel so dumb when I cannot answer questions in rounds

I'm sorry I don't want to live with other people
I'm sorry I feel I'm burdening people with my problems
I'm sorry I feel I'm difficult whenever I ask for help
I'm sorry I don't open up enough to people
I'm sorry I open up too much to people
I'm sorry at times I babble about myself too much that people get annoyed

I'm sorry I am not a better son
I'm sorry I am not a better brother
I'm sorry I am not a better friend
I'm sorry I am not a better student
I'm sorry I am not a better slave
I'm sorry I am not a better person

I'm sorry I feel sorry for myself
I'm sorry I am myself
I'm sorry for everything

13 comments:

rosso said...

bro what's up. is there anything i can help?

Anonymous said...

abg arip ok ke tk?????
ajat ni kalau ada masalah bagitau je ajat kalau tkleh bagitau kt mama

Anonymous said...

be strong coz u'll never be alone, we never left alone.. no need to be others coz u are what u r.. bangun wahai sahabat!!

mohamed alfatih said...

you're funny what?

emir.abu.khalil said...

akhi, burden untuk sama digalas, usah begini... bangkitlah... bangunlah... and yes, you're never alone...

Anonymous said...

Salam..

Hye arif...
if you need to talk...u can talk to me...we may not be close..but i can lend u my shoulders...i'm worried bout u and i pray to Allah that one day u'll be okay..u know where to find me...

s.i

sitifathimah.abbas said...

salam arif

at last acik dapat enter your blog. tau lah i m not computer savvy.
dont despair arif and dont give up. there is always help for someone who wants to be helped.
talk to someone anyone you feel you can trust. you are not alone.
semua orang sayang arif no matter what but you must talk to someone about what is inside of you/
i shall pray for you

Anonymous said...

yup that's right arif hussin. i don't really know you either, but one thing i m certain with... u have to be strong coz ur "strong" make others "strongest". we never want to lose some other precious friends who used to be like a sun that shines others
if u really realize it...
may Allah gives u the strength u searching for. insyaAllah

~11~

Anonymous said...

salam pakcik, its okay if u dont publish this comment pon..i feel like i've read this a tad too late..but are u okay? it wrecks me with worry reading this..please, please talk to someone, anyone..n u know i'll be more than willing to help with anything that u need..just please, do something, anything..dn try to brush it all off, telling other people that u're alright because u think that's what people want to hear, but inside, you dont really feel that way. Everyone around u cares about u and is very worried about u. so please, seek help k? i'll be praying for ur wellbeing..take care..wslm..

Anonymous said...

Arif,

Will always love you Arif.

Mak Ina

your teacher said...

arif, i hope things are better now. havent heard from you a long time but i pray all the time Allah keeps you calm and you are able to go through your days with courage and strength. everybody is praying for you insyaAllah.

Anonymous said...

Dear Arif,

Hows thing going these days? Feel like talking to you but I can't reach you either by mobile or YM. Do you mind sending me email to azz_othman@yahoo.com?

Achik Iza

mohamed alfatih said...

i think and do believe that all of who have read your entry have already accepted your apologies..even that we believe u have nothing to actually apologized for, at least for all of us here..

So why don't you go back and do some writings and get it publish here will ya? It's been too long la pakcik x update...

but still..you're the funniest..pok ha ha