Throughout this whole semester, a fair number of incidents that I encountered in the wards have had enormous impact on me. To an extent, there was indeed a certain emotional connection that pushed me to think outside the medical language and terms. However, for the purpose of this reflection, I believe it is somewhat impossible to cram all the experiences I have gained in one essay. Thus, I will focus on one, most recent incident that occurred a few days ago.
When this incident took place, we were attached to the Gastro-Med Ward. Hence, in hope of grabbing the learning opportunities, I asked for permission to join and observe an endoscopy. I was most fortunate to be given that chance and made my way to the endoscopy suite. After grabbing the gown and wearing protective clothing against radiation, the nurse introduced me to the doctor in charge. He seemed friendly and was very willing to impart knowledge – two most important criteria of a doctor in a teaching hospital. I took a spot to stand and watch whilst the endoscopy team prepared to start the procedure.
As I was watching, I noticed that the patient was semi-conscious. His eyes were partly open. His limbs were moving. He seemed uncomfortable. I was worried that the team would be oblivious to that fact. Fortunately, they were not. They were sensitive to the patient’s feelings and made sure their conversations were strictly professional. I heaved a sigh of relief. As the procedure went on, the doctor explained that the patient has a tumour below his liver, obstructing the duodenum and bile duct. Therefore, he was jaundiced. Then, the camera showed the insides of his gastrointestinal tract. Alas, the tumour has infiltrated and metastasized to the tract.
Upon questioning, the doctor revealed that the patient has a prognosis of a few weeks due to the extent of the cancer. I was quite depressing to hear. The doctor tried to release the obstruction. He failed. Another doctor wanted to give it a try. Once again, we saw the patient go through it. Amid his frailty, the procedure was necessary. Nevertheless, it was still painful to witness. While the effort continued, we were told that the patient’s wife was waiting outside. She also has cancer. I suddenly felt like a huge bolder dropped on my chest. I felt sorry for both of them.
Apparently, the patient had been taking care of his wife, who was diagnosed with breast cancer much earlier. His love and support for his wife were so infinite that he neglected his own health. I did not know how he presented to the hospital till he finally got diagnosed with cancer. However, I did know that he did not expect it. I could not imagine wearing his shoes. To dedicate your life taking care of a sickly loved one, and then to learn that you are sick and will leave your lover alone. It must be heartbreaking for both of them.
I could not focus on the endoscopy. My mind wondered around the unimaginable torment that the couple must have went through. Out of the blue, the doctor gave up. He could not release the obstruction. The tumour was too massive. Clearly, he looked disappointed. He was most distraught because he had to deliver the bad news to the patient’s wife, who was waiting anxiously outside the suite. The team packed up. We removed our gown. I decided to leave and head home.
As I was packing, my mind was still thinking about the couple. It just proved how fragile life is, how powerless we humans are, compared to the divine powers of God. Life is indeed a gift that has to be spent with utmost dignity and sincerity. To me, the patient who laid in bed helplessly has truly lived a dignified life. It is indeed a loss to his family. This incident has also taught me that doctors are not able to do everything. Even if they know what to do, sometimes it is just not possible. After all, doctors are humans.
Finally, I learnt an enormous lesson in breaking bad news. I had always been confused, whether it is wise to showcase your emotion as a doctor when you deliver bad news to a patient. Some people say it is better to stay nonchalant, while others say that expressive is the way to go. As I was walking along the corridor, heading for the exit, I saw the doctor talking to the patient’s wife. I paused. Both of them were sitting down. He had his arm on her shoulder. His face looked serious. The wife suddenly nodded. She then looked down and tears rolled down her cheeks. It was truly depressing to witness. But then, the doctor reassured her. His body language was emotive and emphatic. She then wiped her tears, stood up and shook hands with the doctor. He smiled. She did too.
I now know, as my training proceed, I will attempt to show emotions to patients, especially to people like this couple. At least they know, I am human too. Just like them.
When this incident took place, we were attached to the Gastro-Med Ward. Hence, in hope of grabbing the learning opportunities, I asked for permission to join and observe an endoscopy. I was most fortunate to be given that chance and made my way to the endoscopy suite. After grabbing the gown and wearing protective clothing against radiation, the nurse introduced me to the doctor in charge. He seemed friendly and was very willing to impart knowledge – two most important criteria of a doctor in a teaching hospital. I took a spot to stand and watch whilst the endoscopy team prepared to start the procedure.
As I was watching, I noticed that the patient was semi-conscious. His eyes were partly open. His limbs were moving. He seemed uncomfortable. I was worried that the team would be oblivious to that fact. Fortunately, they were not. They were sensitive to the patient’s feelings and made sure their conversations were strictly professional. I heaved a sigh of relief. As the procedure went on, the doctor explained that the patient has a tumour below his liver, obstructing the duodenum and bile duct. Therefore, he was jaundiced. Then, the camera showed the insides of his gastrointestinal tract. Alas, the tumour has infiltrated and metastasized to the tract.
Upon questioning, the doctor revealed that the patient has a prognosis of a few weeks due to the extent of the cancer. I was quite depressing to hear. The doctor tried to release the obstruction. He failed. Another doctor wanted to give it a try. Once again, we saw the patient go through it. Amid his frailty, the procedure was necessary. Nevertheless, it was still painful to witness. While the effort continued, we were told that the patient’s wife was waiting outside. She also has cancer. I suddenly felt like a huge bolder dropped on my chest. I felt sorry for both of them.
Apparently, the patient had been taking care of his wife, who was diagnosed with breast cancer much earlier. His love and support for his wife were so infinite that he neglected his own health. I did not know how he presented to the hospital till he finally got diagnosed with cancer. However, I did know that he did not expect it. I could not imagine wearing his shoes. To dedicate your life taking care of a sickly loved one, and then to learn that you are sick and will leave your lover alone. It must be heartbreaking for both of them.
I could not focus on the endoscopy. My mind wondered around the unimaginable torment that the couple must have went through. Out of the blue, the doctor gave up. He could not release the obstruction. The tumour was too massive. Clearly, he looked disappointed. He was most distraught because he had to deliver the bad news to the patient’s wife, who was waiting anxiously outside the suite. The team packed up. We removed our gown. I decided to leave and head home.
As I was packing, my mind was still thinking about the couple. It just proved how fragile life is, how powerless we humans are, compared to the divine powers of God. Life is indeed a gift that has to be spent with utmost dignity and sincerity. To me, the patient who laid in bed helplessly has truly lived a dignified life. It is indeed a loss to his family. This incident has also taught me that doctors are not able to do everything. Even if they know what to do, sometimes it is just not possible. After all, doctors are humans.
Finally, I learnt an enormous lesson in breaking bad news. I had always been confused, whether it is wise to showcase your emotion as a doctor when you deliver bad news to a patient. Some people say it is better to stay nonchalant, while others say that expressive is the way to go. As I was walking along the corridor, heading for the exit, I saw the doctor talking to the patient’s wife. I paused. Both of them were sitting down. He had his arm on her shoulder. His face looked serious. The wife suddenly nodded. She then looked down and tears rolled down her cheeks. It was truly depressing to witness. But then, the doctor reassured her. His body language was emotive and emphatic. She then wiped her tears, stood up and shook hands with the doctor. He smiled. She did too.
I now know, as my training proceed, I will attempt to show emotions to patients, especially to people like this couple. At least they know, I am human too. Just like them.
1 comment:
That's a really heartbreaking story, thank you so much for sharing. I guess, human's heart is stronger that we think it is. Even when we think we can't take this anymore, we surely cannot go on, God still give us the strength to go on, for our own sake, and for those who depends on us in their very many ways.
It is true that God won't test us with ordeals that we can't bear. After all, He know us best.
I agree with the showing of emotion too. This is a bit out of topic but today I read Penang CM was unable to hold back tears when consoling victims of a massive fire. It doesn't do much I guess for the victims, but he showed that he cares, and maybe, that's what they really need at the moment. Someone to understand what they are going through.
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